What happened during these sessions with these two specialists part of the equipe who is
supporting me and following me through this journey? A lot, and all good!
I started with the psychologist at the beginning of November. It was a Zoom session, sitting comfortably in the respective armchairs, very nice.
When it all started
He started asking me to tell him when did it all start, when did I think the problem with food started for me. I have a date actually: 19th January 1979. I was only twelve years old, and my parents finally would have gone to court that February to get separated, after years and years of unbearable shouting.
I developed bulimia right as soon as I was put on the diet. Diet? The dietologist could not believe my mother's paranoia that I was too fat... I was only 52kg. Possibly 2kg overweight for my age, that is all.
Needless to say with bulimia there is an inordinate amount of binge eating, and in a year I put on a lot of weight despite my mother's violent punishments each time I didn't lose any weight, you can imagine the punishment when I was gaining.
I've no intention of going through my whole history here, but that was the start. It eased a little after a few years when I left that toxic environment and moved to live with my dad. However the psychological damage was done, and my relationship with food was irreparably changed and I was always using it as a comfort, an anti-stressor, a go-to activity in all situations in which I was anxious, fearful, sad, or simply bored.
Nobody gets this fat for not eating.
The lifelong illness
Then I told him, the psychologist, this wonderful and caring man, Finian, about my lifelong yo-yo dieting of course, with some diets more successful than others, etc. etc. and gave him a brief history up to the present day.
We talked about the surgery at length of course. Finian was happy to hear I hadn't too high expectations, I was aware it is a simple and effective tool for my lifelong struggle and commitment to reach and then maintain weight. Apparently if you are careful enough the first year, it becomes easier and overeating can effectively be controlled.
One thing I did not know is that roughly 2% of people who go through this surgery develop suicidal tendencies (no chance with me here! I'm on mood stabilizing tablets, and I simply love life too much = that is why I want this surgery, to live it to the full!)
Another thing I did not know is that 5% of people develop an alcohol addiction problem, including people who were non-drinkers before. I do enjoy my wine and the occasional (well... occasional? ;-) whiskey, so I better watch out for that. In any case I wouldn't be able to drink anything for the first 3 months as the lining of the stomach becomes too fragile to withstand the shock that alchohol (or cigarettes) bring.
Apparently there are also relationship issues developing with a spouse or partner after surgery (I spoke with my boyfriend aterwards but we both feel that this should not be a problem for us as he is so supportive, let’s hope that we escape those problems!)
A little confession
Ah yeah, by the way - sad to say I started smoking and drinking again in October. Bummer, really unhappy about that.
The usual "after Christmas I stop" phrase comes out of my lips now. Christmas is approaching and my resolve remains firm. I did it once earlier this year, I'll do it again. (Well, technically I'll stop right after my birthday which is the 2nd of January - the 3rd of January is when I traditionally change my life :-)
Finian suggested I read a book called Living with Bariatric Surgery (I of course bought it, and waiting for the courier any minute now this afternoon for the delivery) saying that it would help both me and my boyfriend to be prepared for what's coming ahead.
At the end of the session (full 50 minutes of it), he smiled and said he was very happy to clear me for surgery. He'd be there anytime during recovery and afterwards for me.
The only last thing he needed was a letter from my psychiatrist that would show his commitment to supporting me too. Brilliant!
The psychiatrist
And off to my psychiatrist, Giovanni, I went. Another Zoom session, another armchair-to-armchair comfortable conversation. (You gotta love technology!)
This second session was very similar, apart from the first part of the session as he was already aware of my childhood. He suggested meeting with me a few weeks after surgery to take stock of the situation as the tablets I'm on would be absorbed very differently afterwards. It is a matter of trial and error, therefore I am to continue with my normal therapy but keep a diary of mood changes etc.
Giovanni sent me the recommendation letter within 24 hours, and in turn I sent it to Finian.
That's it, now I am set and cleared and authorized to have surgery!!!
And now?
Next steps are only "physical". Have an endoscopy, bloods and ultrasound in early December, followed by the endocrynologist visit.
How wonderful, this is becoming slowly a reality. I could have squeezed the time and get things moving much more quickly, but I am happy I did not push for all of these specialists to see me too quickly one after the other - the full process started in September and my tentative date for surgery is the 16th of February. This length of time is giving me a chance to be really prepared, to come to terms with something that is so big for me that words cannot express.
Only people who share this journey would fully appreciate it - other people will (simply... ;-) see a difference in my size, and hopefully they'll see me much more able to live a normal life. Really, wunderbar!
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