Happy. I think the word is happy. And grateful, eternally grateful to Aidan for his love and his support, to the wonderful family I've been gifted with, to my (our) dearly loved and loving friends, to the wonderful people who supported, helped, and loved us along the way, and to myself, for having chosen him and loved him, and loved myself enough (finally!) for having chosen, and struggled through it, a new life.
Finally deciding to go for bariatric surgery in August 2021, working towards surgery for February 2022, and struggling through the pain, recovery, efforts, complications, adjustments, completely changing the way I eat is something I could have never done, if not for all the above.
But I did it! I made it! February 16, 2024 is going to be the second anniversary of my surgery. The end of the “golden time” after surgery, the end of the period forecasted by Mr Robb for the duration of the weight loss afforded by surgery and assisted by the willingness to change.
I’ve been drafting my “last post” for a while, planning on posting it on the date of my anniversary. But… WOW… 2 days ago I took the BEST EVER picture of myself I’ve ever seen! So you know what? I’m not posting this on the anniversary, but on another occasion to celebrate: today, my birthday!
And I’m going to do what I never thought in a million years I would have done, I’m going to post my “before” and “after” pictures! Oh yeah baby, totally, totally rocking it here!
In August 2021 I was 134kg, and Mr Robb said his goal for me would have been for me to reach 80kg, warning me that any potential weight loss afterwards would only be a bonus.
I reached 80kg in October 2022, in 7 months.
Then something horrible happened in my life, and for the first time ever, and without doing it on purpose, instead of resorting to comfort eating I simply stopped eating. Period.
For a couple of months I would be eating 2-3 pieces of sushi per day, or half a sandwich, per day. Drinking 3 litres of water daily, countless cups of black tea, copious amounts of wine, smoking as many cigarettes as my waking hours would allow the time for, for the first few months sleeping 2 hours per night, and the app tells me that the average daily sleep time in 2023 was 4 hours and 20 mins… so clearly I'm not there yet.
Obviously my body reacted to those first couple of months, and in February this year (1 year after surgery) Mr Robb admitted me to Blackrock, saying I was the first patient of his he ever had to admit for feared malnutrition.
His care, and the care of his team, got me out of the worst, and after a week I was able to eat a little more, and drink a little less water (the endocrinologist was very worried as my bloods showed a dangerously low level of sodium due to the water intake).
Through the year he feared stomach ulcers (due to the smoking and drinking), so I had to go back twice for gastroscopies and got treated twice (but thankfully only with tablets) for upcoming ulcers. I still have to take a strong dose of a gastroprotector, in addition to the obvious multivitamins and calcium supplements.
Today I still eat very little, but manage 3 small meals every day. Sometimes less, sometimes more, never more than a full side plate, if I’m lucky, but at least now my calorie intake is sufficient.
By last December my efforts at reducing the water intake paid off, and the bloods showed that sodium levels reached the normal range. I drink a maximum of 1.5 litres of water, and no more than 5 cups of tea per day now.
Close to this Christmas I remember I ordered a pizza, a large one, and was immensely surprised at seeing that I could eat half of it! Could not believe it, finally I could really eat!
So, stupidly, I basically had pizza every day for a few days. Each time eating half in one sitting, then the other half the following day for lunch, then starting the cycle of a new pizza for dinner again.
After 10 days I woke up and wondered… Am I screwing things up here? I took out the scale to check. WOW! I had put on 2 kg in 10 days! Jeebis!
So that’s it. My bariatric support group always mentioned that those “slider foods”, the trigger foods, are what screws up the whole lot, what can trigger weight regain.
When listening to them for this whole time, I always thought that would have never applied to me, as I do love almost everything in equal measure, and my problem always consisted in the sheer amount of food.
But, clearly, I discovered that pizza is for me that “slider”, that trigger.
So, that’s it. Pizza, yes, but once a month, no more. And considering December was a pizza month, the next one has to be eaten only at the end of January.
I am sticking to it, the next Pizza will be at the end of February, and so on.
My diet today consists of simply not eating cakes and similar, or chocolate. I do eat them very occasionally, and incredibly small amounts each time. I avoid deep fried food, and if I do have it, it’s homemade only, and in very small amounts. I stay clear of anything that has too much sugar in it, if I use mayonnaise it’s only the very light version.
To my surprise, after having been strongly lactose intolerant for more than 20 years, I discovered that I now can tolerate it! I still do not drink milk nor eat real yoghurt, for fear they would trigger the intolerance again, but can have some cheese, and can cook using butter (although I still use only soy cream when cooking).
I try to eat some fruit every day, which is kind of new to me, but mostly outside of meal times. I eat very little amount of eggs, maybe 2 per week, and eat fish, meat and vegetables. If I have pasta or rice, it would be roughly 60 gr (and it does take at least 2 sittings), but maybe twice a week at the maximum. I never eat bread.
I still use sugar in coffee (not tea), but only a tiny spoon of demerara per cup.
I never drink any soft drinks, and avoid any carbonated drinks with bubbles like the plague (although I do drink Prosecco at times - but if you make a Bellini, for example, the bubbles subside considerably).
I only drink water outside of mealtime, but I stopped following the rule of not having liquids right before, during and right after meals. I just love my wine with a meal!
Ah yeah, wine. Well… I still drink quite a lot of it. Not sure if it’s better or if it’s worse: the first few months after it happened I was drinking vodka and sugar-free cranberry juice, loads of it. Instead, some six months ago, I switched to wine (which we always loved) and ditched the vodka. Mah…. not sure if it’s an improvement. I’m drinking a worrisome amount of wine now, as it was a worrisome amount of vodka before, so really… much of a muchness.
My target is April, when Aidan’s diamond ring will arrive. That’s the milestone (a huge milestone for me, certainly not linked to weight loss). Nevertheless, from that moment I will start looking at making further changes as I think by that time I should be able to face it emotionally: reduce considerably the amount of wine, and start reducing, with the goal of stopping, the amount of cigarettes.
As far as this bariatric journey goes, it will be the work of a lifetime, never ending, constantly paying attention, and occasionally, even if not regularly, stepping on the scale to check where I am at. As I'm reminded by the bariatric support group: the WHO classifies Obesity as a Chronic, Relapsing Disease. This is why this is a journey with no end in sight. I dramatically changed my life, but I am aware that it will continue to be a constant struggle.
On average I walk about 15km per week, not that much really, and I'm allergic to going to the gymn. Swimming is out of the question as it takes me 3 hours to do my hair each time. So walking it is. So? This month I'll be getting a puppy! I'm so excited you've no idea. I'll get a labrador - and those are really highly energetic dogs that need tons of exercise every day. Physically I can do it though, and emotionally I am now ready to take care again of another living being.
So this is it people, weight loss wise I hope this is it, as I’ve been stable at 55kg since August 2023.
If I do get courageous enough to go through with plastic surgery I might post again, but until that time, so long my friends. If you’re in my same boat please look at these 2 pictures - even I could not tell they are of the same person... me!!!
If I could do this, then YOU CAN!
Comments